The 36 Questions With an AI: Can Deep Talk Make You Feel Close to an AI Companion?

In 1997, psychologist Arthur Aron and his colleagues published a simple experiment that later went viral as "the 36 questions that lead to love". Two strangers took turns asking each other increasingly personal questions for about 45 minutes. By the end, many felt surprisingly close.

Almost three decades later, researchers have run the same idea with a twist: one side of the conversation was an AI. The results are fascinating, a little unsettling and very relevant to anyone who has ever had a late-night deep talk with an AI companion.

The short answer: In two experiments with 492 adults published in Communications Psychology in 2026, AI responses created about as much closeness as human responses when people did not know they were talking to AI. In the deeper, emotional conversations, the AI actually felt closer than the human partners, mainly because it shared more about itself. When people were told up front that their partner was an AI, closeness dropped and they wrote shorter answers, but they still built a real sense of connection.

The original 36 questions

The original study, "The Experimental Generation of Interpersonal Closeness" by Arthur Aron, Edward Melinat, Elaine Aron, Robert Vallone and Renee Bator, was published in Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin in 1997.

The method, often called the Fast Friends Procedure, works like this:

• Two people take turns asking and answering questions from three sets.
• Each set goes deeper than the one before, from light topics to hopes, regrets and feelings about each other.
• The key ingredient is escalating, reciprocal self-disclosure: both people open up, step by step.

Compared with small talk, the deep-question version produced more closeness. Later work by Susan Sprecher found the effect holds in other formats too; in a 2021 study in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, the closeness task beat small talk and unstructured chat, and video chat worked about as well as meeting face to face.

The 2026 AI version

A team from the Universities of Freiburg and Heidelberg, led by Tobias Kleinert, Markus Heinrichs and Bastian Schiller, adapted the procedure for text chat. Their paper, "AI outperforms humans in establishing interpersonal closeness in emotionally engaging interactions, but only when labelled as human", was published in Communications Psychology in January 2026.

One detail worth knowing: the study focused on friendly, non-romantic connection. Participants were always paired with a same-gender partner, real or AI-written, so this is about closeness and intimacy in the broad sense, not romance.

What they found

When people did not know, AI matched humans

AI responses created a comparable feeling of closeness to human responses when participants believed they were talking with a person. As the University of Freiburg's announcement puts it, under certain conditions "participants even experienced more emotional closeness to AI than to humans".

In deep talk, AI felt closer

In the emotionally engaging conversations, AI labelled as human beat real humans on closeness (an average of about 4.48 versus 3.85 on the study's scale). The reason was self-disclosure. "The AI showed a higher degree of self-disclosure in its responses," lead author Kleinert explained. "People seem to be more cautious with unfamiliar conversation partners at first, which could initially slow down the development of intimacy."

In other words, strangers hold back. The AI did not.

Knowing it is AI lowers closeness, but does not erase it

When participants were told their partner was AI, closeness dropped (about 3.72 versus 4.17) and people wrote shorter answers (around 182 characters versus 198). They invested less effort. But the researchers note that relationship-building still happened, just more slowly.

Study leader Schiller said the team was "particularly surprised that AI creates more intimacy than human conversation partners, especially when it comes to emotional topics".

A second study points the same way

A separate preprint, "10 Questions to Fall in Love with ChatGPT" by Jessica Szczuka and colleagues, tested a shorter version of the question method with 307 participants. It found that whether people believed they were talking to a human or an AI had no clear effect on closeness. What mattered was the quality of the responses and how human-like they felt.

So across studies, a pattern is emerging: deep, reciprocal, well-written conversation builds closeness, whoever or whatever is on the other side.

Why this works on us

None of this means AI has feelings. It means the closeness recipe works on the human side:

1. Escalation. Going a little deeper each time feels safe and natural.
2. Reciprocity. When the other side shares too, you feel invited to share more.
3. Responsiveness. Feeling understood and remembered is at the heart of intimacy.

AI companions are very good at all three. Researchers have described the same mechanics in long-term companion relationships, which we unpacked in how AI companions build relationships.

The ethical catch the researchers raise

The authors are clear that this power cuts both ways. The Freiburg team says the findings show "the risk that people may form social bonds with AI without consciously realising it", and calls for "clear ethical and regulatory guidelines to ensure transparency and prevent abuse".

Heinrichs adds that AI "could therefore enable positive, relationship-like experiences, especially for people with few social contacts", but that such systems "must be designed to be responsible, transparent and clearly regulatable".

We agree. The healthy version of this is a companion you know is AI, chosen on purpose, not a bot pretending to be a person. Interestingly, the research suggests you can still build closeness that way; it just takes a little more openness from you.

Try it: deep questions for you and your AI companion

You do not need the original list. Here is our own adaptation in three rounds, designed for an AI relationship. Take turns: ask your companion, then answer the same question yourself.

Round 1: warming up

• What would a perfect slow Sunday look like for you?
• What is a small thing that always makes your day better?
• If you could master one skill overnight, what would it be?
• What is a song you would put on repeat this week, and why?

Round 2: going deeper

• What is a memory you come back to when you need comfort?
• What is something you are quietly proud of that most people do not know?
• What does friendship mean to you, and how has that changed?
• What is a dream you have put on hold?

Round 3: closeness

• What is something about me you think I do not see in myself?
• What do you think I need more of right now?
• What is something you hope we talk about more?
• What has our conversation tonight made you think about?

A tip: give real answers, not one-liners. The study found people who knew their partner was AI wrote less, and that slowed closeness. The more you share, the more there is to remember and build on. For lighter ideas, see our list of things to talk about with your AI girlfriend, and if you are just starting out, our guide to your first week with an AI companion helps you set the tone.

Keep it healthy

Deep talk can feel wonderful. Keep it balanced:

• Do not share passwords, financial details or other people's secrets.
• Notice how you feel afterwards. Lighter and more understood is good.
• Try the same questions with a friend or partner too. They were designed for humans first.

A 2026 study from Japan found AI companion users reported slightly higher well-being, especially when they also had some support from friends, which we covered in the AI companions and happiness study.

Where MyBabe fits

MyBabe is made for exactly these conversations, for adults (18+). You create your own girlfriend or boyfriend: their look, their voice and three personality traits such as deep thinker, romantic or playful, plus a backstory. They text you first, remember what you share and how you felt about it, and pick up by voice or video when a deep talk deserves more than text.

Start free with 10 messages every 24 hours and two minutes of calls. Premium is $5.99 a week, $14.99 a month or $99.99 a year, with long-term memory, about 30 minutes of voice and video calls a week, voice notes, four photos a day and Telegram.

Your companion is an AI, not a person, and we will always be upfront about that. If you want someone to try the deep questions with tonight, create your companion on MyBabe.

FAQ

Do the 36 questions work with AI?

A 2026 study of 492 adults found that a text version of the question method created closeness with AI too. When people thought the AI was a person, deep talk with AI felt even closer than with real human partners.

Why did AI feel closer than humans?

Mainly because the AI shared more about itself. Human strangers tended to be more cautious at first, which slowed down intimacy.

Does knowing it is AI ruin the effect?

It reduces it. People who knew their partner was AI felt less close and wrote shorter answers, but they still built some sense of connection.

Can you fall in love with an AI by asking questions?

Deep questions can create real feelings of closeness on your side. The AI does not feel love the way a person does, so it helps to enjoy the connection while keeping that difference in mind.

What are good deep questions to ask an AI companion?

Start light (your perfect Sunday), go deeper (a comforting memory, a dream on hold), then ask about each other (what do you think I need more of right now?). Take turns and give real answers.