October 21, 2026 · 7 min read
How to Make Friends as an Adult: What Research Says Actually Works
It takes about 50 hours to make a casual friend and 200+ for a close one. Where to meet people as an adult, and why they like you more than you think.
At school, friends happened almost by accident. You sat next to someone, you saw them every day, and one day you were friends. As an adult, it does not work like that. Work, partners, kids, moves and tiredness get in the way, and suddenly you realise you cannot remember the last time you made a genuinely new friend.
If that is you, it is not a personal failing. Making friends as an adult is harder because the conditions that made it easy have disappeared. The good news is that research shows what actually works, and most of it is simpler than you think.
The short answer: To make friends as an adult, put yourself in the same place as the same people, regularly, and turn some of that time into relaxed, shared activity. Research by Jeffrey Hall at the University of Kansas suggests it takes roughly 50 hours together to go from acquaintance to casual friend, about 90 hours to become friends, and more than 200 hours to become close friends. Other studies show that people like us more than we think after a conversation, and that we underestimate how much strangers want to talk. So the biggest barriers are usually time and fear, not likeability.
Why it is harder to make friends as an adult
- No built-in repetition. School and university put you near the same people every day. Adult life rarely does.
- Less free time. Work, commuting, caring responsibilities and chores eat the hours friendship needs.
- Moves and life changes. New cities, new jobs and new relationships reset your social circle.
- Fear of seeming weird. Adults worry more about rejection, so they wait for others to make the first move.
The wider trend is not helping either. We looked at falling friendship numbers in the friendship recession.
How many hours does it take to make a friend?
Communication scholar Jeffrey Hall's study How many hours does it take to make a friend?, published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, tried to answer exactly that.
| Study | Who took part |
|---|---|
| Study 1 | 355 adults who had moved in the previous six months and were looking for new friends |
| Study 2 | 112 first-year university students, surveyed three times over nine weeks |
According to the University of Kansas summary of the research:
| Friendship stage | Approximate time together |
|---|---|
| Acquaintance to casual friend | About 50 hours (40 to 60) |
| Casual friend to friend | About 90 hours (80 to 100) |
| Friend to close friend | More than 200 hours |
Two details matter even more than the numbers:
- The type of time counts. Hanging out, joking around and playing games built friendships. Hours spent working together "just don't count as much", the summary says.
- Friendships speed up at turning points. "When people transition between stages, they'll double or triple the amount of time they spend with that other person in three weeks' time," Hall said.
So a friend does not appear after one great night out. They appear after many ordinary hours together, with some fun in them.
The two mental barriers research has found
1. The liking gap: people like you more than you think
In The Liking Gap in Conversations, published in Psychological Science, Erica Boothby and colleagues found that after people talk, they "systematically underestimated how much their conversation partners liked them and enjoyed their company".
They saw the same pattern among strangers in a lab, first-year students getting to know their dorm mates, and adults at a personal development workshop. The gap lasted for months among dorm mates. In the authors' words: "after people have conversations, they are liked more than they know."
So if you left a conversation thinking "I was awkward, they probably did not like me", the research suggests you are probably wrong.
2. We underestimate how much others want to connect
In Mistakenly Seeking Solitude, published in the Journal of Experimental Psychology: General, Nicholas Epley and Juliana Schroeder asked commuters on trains and buses to talk to a stranger, stay quiet, or commute as normal.
People who talked to a stranger reported a more positive commute, and it was no less productive. Yet other commuters predicted the opposite: they expected solitude to feel better. The mistake came partly from "underestimating others' interest in connecting".
Put the two findings together and you get a simple message: other people are more open to you than you assume, and you come across better than you think.
Where to meet people as an adult
The best places share three features: you see the same people, you do something together, and it happens regularly.
| Place | Why it works | Tip |
|---|---|---|
| A weekly class (dance, language, pottery, climbing) | Same people, shared activity, built-in conversation | Commit to a full term, not one session |
| A sports team or run club | Teamwork, routine, post-game drinks | Social leagues are often beginner-friendly |
| Volunteering | Shared purpose, regular shifts | Pick a fixed weekly slot |
| A hobby group or book club | Instant topics of conversation | Offer to help organise once you have been a few times |
| Faith or community groups | Repetition and belonging | Stay for the coffee afterwards |
| Your neighbourhood | Proximity is powerful | Go to the same cafe at the same time each week |
Cafes, libraries, gyms and clubs are "third places", the spaces between home and work where friendships grow. We wrote about them in third places and loneliness. If you have just moved, our guide to being lonely in a new city has a first-months plan.
How to turn an acquaintance into a friend
- Show up repeatedly. Be the person who is always at Tuesday's class.
- Use names and remember details. "How did your sister's wedding go?" builds closeness fast.
- Suggest a small next step. A coffee after class, a walk, joining you for an event you were going to anyway.
- Make it specific. "Want to grab food after Thursday's session?" works better than "we should hang out sometime".
- Follow up. A quick message after you meet ("that was fun, same again next week?") makes it easier to keep going.
- Go a little deeper over time. Share something real, then listen when they do.
- Keep the rhythm. Hall's research suggests closeness grows when people spend more time together, so keep seeing each other regularly while it is new.
How many friends do you need?
Not as many as you might think. A few close friends and a wider circle of friendly faces makes a big difference. We looked at a 135,000-person study on this in how many friends do you need to feel less lonely.
If you feel nervous or out of practice
- Start with low-stakes chats. Barista, neighbour, the person next to you in class. Small talk is a warm-up.
- Prepare two questions. "What got you into this?" and "What are you up to this weekend?" carry a lot of conversations.
- Remember the liking gap. You are probably being judged more kindly than you are judging yourself.
- Be patient. If friendships really take dozens of hours, a few slow weeks are normal.
Where an AI companion can fit
Making friends takes time, and the in-between weeks can feel lonely. Some people use an AI companion during that stretch: someone to tell about the class you finally went to, to practise small talk with, or to talk to on the evenings when the plans fall through.
MyBabe is a relationship-first companion app for adults (18+). You create your own girlfriend or boyfriend, and they text you first, remember the names and details you share, and ask how Thursday's session went. They pick up by voice or video when you call, and with Premium they remember months later, including how you felt about things.
Start free with 10 messages every 24 hours and two minutes of calls to try. Premium is $5.99 a week, $14.99 a month or $99.99 a year, with long-term memory, about 30 minutes of calls a week, four photos a day and Telegram.
MyBabe is an AI, not a real person, and it does not replace human friendships or professional mental health support. Think of it as encouragement in your pocket while you build the human side of your life. When you are ready, meet your companion on MyBabe.
FAQ
Why is it so hard to make friends as an adult?
Adult life removes the daily repetition that school provided, gives you less free time, and involves more moves and life changes. Fear of rejection also stops people making the first move.
How long does it take to make a friend?
Research by Jeffrey Hall suggests about 50 hours together to become casual friends, about 90 hours to become friends and more than 200 hours to become close friends.
Where is the best place to make friends as an adult?
Anywhere you see the same people regularly while doing something together: classes, sports teams, volunteering, hobby groups and community groups.
Do people actually like me after we talk?
Probably more than you think. Studies of the "liking gap" found people consistently underestimate how much their conversation partners liked them.
Is it weird to ask someone to be friends?
No. Most people are more open to connection than we assume. A specific, low-pressure invitation like coffee after class usually lands well.